How Fickle my Heart

Today I had the opportunity to be a speaker at an organization’s meeting. At the beginning of that meeting the chaplain offered up a prayer to God. He thanked Him for the rain, blessed the food, asked Him to guide their meeting, and met all the pre-meal prayer expectations. Then something caught me off guard, but made me smile. The chaplain said something along the lines of, “we know we can be fickle, but thank you for guiding us.”

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The “Rock It” roller coaster we rode at Universal Studios in February, to illustrate what my heart and head can do sometimes…

Wow, did I need that moment right there.

Over the last week, I’ve seen college friends and former colleagues, visited old stomping grounds, spent a lot of time on the road, and even more time by myself. All of those things either sparked up a great deal of thoughts OR gave me plenty of time to think or talk about the past, the present, and the future. And when I have a lot of time or relive the old days, my mind goes up and down and all around, like a crazy roller coaster. I question life, I question my purpose and direction, and I sure as heck start questioning whether or not I’m listening to God the way I should be.

So yes, I know I’m fickle. My heart is fickle, and I know yours is too. I don’t know a single person who knows their purpose from day one, without question, for the rest of their lives. We want one thing while we have another, and then gain another and want that other back. Sound confusing? Yes, it really is.

I change my mind constantly and run myself in circles, all because I forget that, while I may be quite fickle, it is our God that remains steady and sure. He looks down upon us and smiles that kind of smile that you see when a parent watches their child ride their bike for the first time without training wheels, knowing they might get a scratch on their knee, but they’ll have beat their new challenge. All we have to do is ask for the push, to be steered in the right direction, and for Him to “watch this” as we take that leap of faith.

One of my favorite Mumford and Sons songs begins with the words “How fickle my heart, and how woozy my eyes,” so I thought I’d share Awake My Soul with you. 

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2 thoughts on “How Fickle my Heart

  1. Lovely! In response to this thought: ” I don’t know a single person who knows their purpose from day one, without question, for the rest of their lives. We want one thing while we have another, and then gain another and want that other back. Sound confusing? Yes, it really is.”

    Shane and I just talked today about a sermon we heard that drove home the point that acting with purpose is about how and why we do something vs. having access to the when, what and where answers. That concept has helped me not fret over my own fickleness 🙂

  2. I am truly blessed by coming upon your blog. I am grateful for the words you write. They are lovely and true. Just what I needed on this 5am I can’t sleep morning due to thoughts running through my mind. Great job!

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